I’m not really into making New Years Resolutions.
I find that by the middle of January I already haven’t exercised as much as I told myself I would or I’ve failed to actually do the study units of the course I signed up for. And then I start feeling bad about myself, and I find I’m talking to myself in a way that I would never dare talk to a stranger. You know what I mean—those thoughts that go, “Why did you sign up for that course if you couldn’t finish it in the first place. You are so stupid and irresponsible.”
Which is why the past two years I’ve approached making resolutions differently. For the last two years I’ve chosen one word that I can focus on every day, all year long. I like the idea of picking one word that sums up who I want to be or how I want to live.
Last year my one word was “enough”. It was a safe word. Much like the word my parents made us memorise as kids so we could let them know if something was wrong without having to come right out and say it.
In many ways “enough” was a declaration after two years of my husband’s cancer treatments that we were done. In other ways it was a searching to be satisfied with what I already have and who I am right now.
“Enough” was many things but it wasn’t a challenge. It didn’t make me shake in my boots or question my sanity.
The word I’ve chosen this year scares me.
It feels like a challenge to God. But the worst kind of challenge. It feels like a gasping for breath when you’re submerged under water. It feels like a prayer. It’s the kind of prayer that feels like asking God to scald your skin. It’s the kind of prayer you’d think would be better left unsaid. It’s a hard and holy prayer. It’s the word “disturb”.
I chose this word “disturb” because I can feel God is doing things in me. I can feel there are changes coming and that I will have a choice to stick with the status quo or to ‘disturb’ what is comfortable, and reach for the something more that God is offering.
I’ve found that choosing one word gives me something to keep going back to throughout the year and it gives me something to pray for. And I find that I keep circling back to it right through to December.
Endnote:
If you’d like to join me on this journey leave your word in the comments below or read my full reasons for choosing enough and disturb. Finally, take the time to find your #ONEWORD365 tribe (or inspiration for your word) on oneword365.com. Their website will allow you to enter your word for the year and find others who have chosen the same word.
Wendy is married to Xylon, who talks non-stop about cycling, and makes her laugh. She writes for anyone who has ever held a loved one’s hand through illness, ever believed in God despite hard circumstances or ever left on a spontaneous overseas holiday with just a backpack. You can follow her story and subscribe to receive her free eBook, Life, Life and More Life at her website.
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