All women are on a journey, some ‘going solo’ with the Lord at their side, so although they may seem to be walking alone, they are not.
Whatever your relationship status, it is open to change.
Those who are married could find themselves single. Those who are single, could find themselves married. Singleness comes in a couple of ways – there are those who have never married; then there are those who have married and the marriage ended either through divorce or death. Either way, you find yourself in a season of life, lacking the companionship and support of a spouse. If that’s you, don’t let being unmarried stop you from having a fulfilling life.
When I think thrilling, fulfilling singleness, I think of two friends, in particular, who haven’t let their relationship status stop them from living a fabulous, sometimes- to-be-envied-by-the-married, happy life. One is an American living in Cape Town. The other is a Capetonian living in America.
Meet Valerie-Gail
She is the American, living in Cape Town. She came to this city 11 years ago from North Carolina. Leaving behind all family and friends, she walked boldly into the unknown, committing herself to a life that was bigger than she could imagine when she first arrived.
She came to assist at Beautiful Gate, a home for vulnerable and abandoned children. At no cost to the organisation, she raised support from States and jumped in lock, stock and barrel.
She is not afraid of the future because she knows who holds the future.
When I think of Valerie-Gail, I think of vibrancy, determination, confidence, kindness, amazing love and persistence. She is not afraid of the future because she knows who holds the future. She tackles all the ‘man’ kind of jobs with humour and acceptance. She knows she does not walk alone. She knows she has a far greater Power within her than is the World. She throws herself into all sorts of social occasions and if there is not a social occasion to fit the purpose, she will make one. She lives simply. She lives gloriously. She lives to the glory of God.
One of her most impressive achievements was to tackle Mount Kilimanjaro.
She dreamed, prayed, raised funds and trained endlessly and then boarded the plane to Tanzania to fulfill an amazing expedition. (And that was to celebrate turning 60!) Soon, she will take off for 6 weeks back home. She will fill and lug those suitcases. She will visit and socialise and speak and pray. She will have a joyous time and she will return to continue with the work to which God has called her.
Her happiness is not dependant on a romantic relationship. It doesn’t mean she wouldn’t like to get married, but it does mean that until God has her meet Mr. Right, she will live life to the full. She does not walk alone. She may not be married, but she has as her Companion, a mighty God.
And now, let me tell you about my friend, Lynda
In the early 80s, we were both student nurses at Somerset Hospital in Green Point. After qualifying, I lost touch with her and then about 10 years ago, Lynda heard me on the radio and contacted me. We met and reconnected.
She has not let being single stop her from filling her life with joyful meaning.
When I think of Lynda, I think of the most amazing, capable, deep, kind-hearted, highly intelligent woman who God has gifted in multiple ways. She has not let being single stop her from filling her life with joyful meaning. I have often thought of Lynda and said, “If I was called to singleness, I would want to do what she has done.” She has taken the bull by the horns and thrown herself into an abundant life. She is not single out of choice. I am sure that if she felt that God has wanted her to marry one of the many suitors she has had, she would have married. But that has not been the case.
After qualifying as a nursing sister, she furthered her education in the area of medical research and this has opened doors for her to work in the UK and now she lives in the United States. Her work has taken her backwards and forwards across America. She has developed meaningful relationships with clients and colleagues alike. She is confident and caring and I just love getting together with her when she comes home.
These women demonstrate how to have an abundant life regardless of their relationship status.
Their foundation is God. Their fulfillment is in Him. They have thrown themselves into a life guided and directed by the Holy Spirit and He has made their foundation sure. Is life perfect for them? Absolutely not! Do they have deep desires and emotional needs that they feel may be met by marrying? I’m sure they do, but they have discovered that they can be happy without a husband and they put their energy into significant projects that have eternal value.
They may end up marrying, but they have found that they can be happy if they don’t.
They are great role models for those who find themselves in the same position.
5 top tips for being happily single:
- Put God first–make Him your foundation for life.
- Don’t wallow in self-pity. Look for ways to further yourself and your career.
- Do something significant with your life. Be an eternity thinker.
- If you feel you are missing out on having children, get involved in a ministry to children where you can sow love and acceptance into the next generation.
- If you are looking for a husband, start looking in the right places. Find a church with lots of men of the right age; take up a hobby that you enjoy that may have you meet like-minded men eg. A hiking group or join a ministry part time
Helga van Niekerk is a Christian writer and social media commentator. She has more than 20 years experience in radio broadcasting. She is also an advertising and fundraising consultant. She presented the “Rise and Shine” show on radio CCFM for ten years before leaving to focus more on writing. She’s married to Mike, and has two adult children and a cat called Truffles. She enjoys caddying for Mike, doing cross-stitch and blogging at The Daily Blog of Helga van Niekerk, an extremely successful blog about her daily life.
Lynda is one of my Dearest friends, she is truly an amazing person, one of the bravest women I know. Love her dearly.