Making sense of singleness


I’ve heard it said that the greatest thing we’ll ever learn in life is to love and be loved in return. If that is true, then what does that mean for me as a single person?

  • Am I doomed to never know love because I am single?
  • Am I to somehow be content with the fact that I’m apparently missing out on the greatest thing in life?

Looking at the process that my married friends and siblings went through as they fell in love and got married, I can’t help but wonder sometimes if I am, in fact, missing out on something. If I have to be very honest, watching happy couples does stir in me a deep desire and hunger to be loved too.

On really bad days this hunger can become all-consuming, tempting me to provide solutions to it by myself.

  • I feel forgotten by God.
  • I feel like God doesn’t see the deep longings of my heart.
  • Or He isn’t interested in meeting them.
  • Other times the desire to be love becomes so intense that I begin to believe that anything is better than nothing, having anyone is better than having no one.

These thoughts and lies taunt and confuse me in what I believe about myself and what I believe about God.

Jesus was also tempted

Thankfully the Holy Spirit reminds me that Jesus was also tempted in a similar fashion. After spending forty days in the desert praying and fasting, Jesus became physically hungry (Luke 4:1-14). It’s at this point that the devil comes to tempt Him to find easy solutions to His hunger problem.

While the solutions offered to Jesus seemed logical, they would have caused Him to compromise His identity, destroying His mission.

Similarly, if I decide to satisfy my desire for love in my own way instead of waiting for God, I will forfeit His protection on my life and heart. This will leave me at the mercy of heartache and disappointment. I need to follow Jesus’ example, stand firm in my faith and not give into the fear that the deep longings of my heart will go unsatisfied.

Scripture assures me that God Himself will satisfy the longings of my heart

  • Psalm 81:16 declaresBut He would feed you with the finest of the wheat, and with honey from the rock I would satisfy you.”
  • Psalm 145:15-16 says: The eyes of all look to You, and You give them their food in due season. You open Your hand; You satisfy the desire of every living thing.”
  • God Himself promises: “For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish”  – Jeremiah 31:25.

I therefore refuse to give into the lie that God doesn’t hear or see me. Like Jesus, I know that I am a child of God. He is my loving Father and only has the best intentions towards me. All good and perfect blessings come from His hand; not my own.

Regardless of how I feel, God remains sovereign. His divine plan for my life transcends my feelings.

By understanding His heart towards me, my impatient and restless heart finds the strength it needs to hold on for God’s appointed season of marriage.

The time I spend in patient endurance is what I believe will qualify me to not only recognise but receive His many blessings.

Benedicte Badibanga-Mbuyi

Her real name is actually Benedicte but everyone who knows her calls her Betty. Equipped with a great sense of humour and quick mind, Betty doesn’t take things too seriously, is loud and loves to make people laugh. A social butterfly with a post-grad degree in political science, she has various unrelated interests which include health and fitness, academia, theology, psychology, history, acting, and shopping.

One Comment

  1. Annette July 4, 2016 at 10:04 pm - Reply

    God is always on time!

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