Monday morning . . . again.
Every week the feeling of not measuring up was getting heavier until it came to weigh on my chest like a lump of potter’s clay. I tried to convince myself that it would get better—that I just needed to get up and out to take Justin to school. But when Jonathan and I returned home, it was always the same cycle: I put him in front of the television and went to bed to sleep or cry until it was time to feed him and put him down for a nap.
I felt desperately empty.
Everywhere around me (on Facebook) I saw women with life and purpose in their eyes and the only things reflecting in mine were the dirty dishes stacked in the sink. And I felt guilty for wanting more when I had so much already.
If you are feeling without purpose today, I know what it feels like. You wake up every morning and realize today is going to be exactly the same as yesterday. And I am not just talking to stay-at-home moms. I have felt this deep yearning for my life to mean something, even when I was working full-time.
Here is why I think we miss it:
As people and as women, we simply want to know that our lives matter. That we are ‘shining’ somewhere no one else can ‘shine’. But so often we compare our ‘shine’ with those around us and think it should look the same.
Proverbs 29:18 says: Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint; But happy is he who keeps the law.
KJV- Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.
The word for vision or revelation used here is ‘chazon’ and one of the translations for it is “vision from God.”
We start to feel empty when we apply someone else’s ‘Word’ to our purpose, instead of hearing the Word of God for our specific situation. God’s prophetic Word breathes life into our own hopes and dreams. If we have the Word from God we can go ahead, in spite of fear.
But why don’t we have the ‘chazon’ sometimes?
- We don’t want to wait for it or
- We are trying to live someone else’s ‘chazon’ or
- We let the devil steal it from us by not acting on it.
If God has given you a glimpse of your purpose, ask Him for confirmation from His Word or elsewhere. Then go after it. But spend the time hearing from God first. Then when you start to doubt whether it was from God, remind yourself of His Word for you.
And if God gave you a Word a long time ago and it still hasn’t happened?
- Ask Him whether something you did, stopped it from happening? Repent.
- Otherwise, write it down, read it and remind Him of it daily.
Because that feeling that you were made for more? He placed it there.
Restless: Because You Were Made for More by Jennie Allen